how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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