what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
