I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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