they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
