he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize