the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
