Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
