Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He better not be in your backpack
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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