Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
