my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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