Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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