you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
