If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
