I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
