theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize