I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just google imaged poop.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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