did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
