dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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