So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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