dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
