If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
