erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize