White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
