So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize