she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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