I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
