What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
