no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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