needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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