For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
