so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
