So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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