I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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