Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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