God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
