You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
