i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
