how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
