Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
