ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
