i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They took my balls.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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