Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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