That's intense
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
