I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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