Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
