just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize