dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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