Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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