After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
