Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
