Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
