How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
