Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
