she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
