Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I believe in your delicious
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
