mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize