I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
