DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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