The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
