I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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