Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
