White coat. Heels.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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