i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me I should be a condom model.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Randomize
