At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
