apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
high people should be assigned attendants
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
