i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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