We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
