the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
