What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
