Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
