I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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